A Silver lining of a Broken Friendship 

                                     A Broken Friendship, who hasn’t had any ? There would be atleast two to three persons who we were once very close to me and now act like complete strangers when i bump into them. Well… I am writing this for those who have been affected by the loss of a close friendship. It has always been very comfortable for me to express myself through writing and I wish to share my feelings with others in the hopes that this too, will bring some kind of comfort to the broken hearts that need help in mending like mine.

                The great philosopher ARISTOTLE once said Friendship is a single soul dwelling in the body of two persons. Even now when I write this blog my heart is full of sorrow and pity on myself. All the broken friendships in my life have slowly healed with time but they also left a deep scar so that in the near future I would be more careful in investing myself emotionally in a friendship. As of now, I am not a big fan of making best friends. But the greatest irony is that after all these experiences still my heart craves for new friendships and blindly trusts everyone, haha ! an emotional fool I am,  as my friend Esha says.

                  The idea of losing a friend is always difficult, at least for me it is no matter what ever bad deeds that person has done or held against me. More over it’s very difficult to discuss this concept nobody wants to imagine life without their closest companions or peers. Yet people, beginning from a young age, gain friends almost as frequently as they lose them.  And while this process of gaining and losing friends is natural one, it is still not that easy to digest the fact that someone you were once close to is suddenly gone from your life. There is no denying the fact that  Friendship breakups can truly be as painful as any other breakup in this world. 

                        The main reason for broken friendships are dishonesty and jealousy. But unfortunately jealousy is some what better than dishonesty right ? As good as it is, in my case it was always dishonesty.  Dishonesty you know this is what ruins friendship. Once that trust is broken, it is hard to put back. Atleast in my case it’s impossible. You don’t want to be associated with a person who hurts you, underestimates you, puts you down and breaks your confidence. Jealousy in the other hand is.. I don’t know I find it good cause you know you don’t want to see any other person getting close to your best friend, but even then jealousy upto some point is good but not if it’s on the other person’s nerve.

              I have lost several friendship throughout my brief life time, some breakups were easier than other which were really tough. As a child, dwindling in friendship was a natural thing. But as I grew older, though the friendships I made became more and more meaningful, and I found myself beginning to invest more and more emotionally. And it is with these friendships that my story begins. I have come across a variety of friends in my lifetime. But I … Divided them into two categories LOL.. and those are Givers and Takers. 

                 All my giver friends are those that I have a symbiotic relationship with. They call me for favours, advice, or a friends company. And do the same to me when I am in need of the above. We are constantly reminding each other how important our friendship is and how strong it has turned out and that our time is evenly invested in each other. My giver friends are still in my life to this day, and they continue to expressively invest in our friendship as much as I do. Coming to my taker friends, these are the friends that left me with grief throughout my friendship with them. The call me for favours and sometimes for advise, and always seem to be busy when I am in need of them the most. They make me feel as if I am inconveniencing them at that moments, and span of a Communication only seems to reach the can you ? Will you ? Or I need you too , parts of my friendship. They exhaust me a lot, they make me feel unimportant,  useless untill and unless I am useful of them. In fact my taker friends are those who have left me heartbroken many a many times.

        Every time I lose a friend, I found myself in the ruins. My heart ached. I would always look back wondering where did I go wrong ? What could I have done to change the things ? But you know when I give myself some time for the ache to move out and start to mend myself back again, I realise that I was simply better off this way. I did my part to maintain those friendships, I dedicated a piece of my heart to these people I did my very best to be a good friend that my mom raised me to be. I later realise that I could not change anything about that Friendship breakups because it was not my change to make. Had these friends remained in my life or if at all those friendship continued I would have remained feeling used, undesired, insignificant and most importantly Unloved.  The silver lining Of Broken friendship can’t be seen in the beginning. But it makes itself known the moment you cross paths with a true friend.

                 So you know the silver lining Of Broken friendship is that you are going to be okay. Some times broken friendships find their way back to each other, and sometimes they don’t and will never cross paths again. Which ever the circumstances maybe, you my friend will always learn something new about yourself. Coming to the heartache it goes away real soon and the bitter feelings will slowly fade away too. Trust me my friend one day you can look back on it as a helpful reminder of the fortune you hold among your true friends.

       So at the very end I just want to say  that THE SILVER LINING OF A BROKEN FRIENDSHIP is that you will …you will always come out to be a better person and stronger than you ever were. As they say friendship is like a glass ornament, once it is broken it can be put back again but it will always have cracks in it and it will never be the same as before.

Advertisements

My Broken Trust

 

               Trust ! a simple word with too many complications tagged to it. I haven’t been able to figure out what trust is, I had pretty terrible experience with trust in my relationships mostly with my peers. You know, out of all the things which we want out of any relationship, be it friends, siblings, boyfriend, girlfriend etc… trust is perhaps the most vital one. Despite of us wanting it so much, it is one of the hardest things to get and define.

                         Anyways let the moral definition of Trust be left for you to think, I ll start out with what I viewed in trusted relationship and my experiences with it. Frankly speaking I never had the best experience with trust. It has been an excruciatingly painful and difficult road for me, and I would be wrong if I didn’t mention it is a confusing one too. I have been turned away, backstabbed, lied to, and what all you name, has happened to me. But most painful part is that all this has been struck to me by my close ones.

                People always seem to break their trust with me. Before it didn’t take much time for me to trust someone, if I became friends with someone I could tell them my whole life story within some time of my friendship with them. One more thing which I have is Expectations, i think it has lot to do with trust. You know a part of trust is to have expectations that some will be with you, be right to you and never cheat or work falsely behind you. Which unfortunately didn’t happen with my group of close peers as some had their own reasons and advantages of befriending me.

                 Because of all these things I have a thick skin now , besides that I had built an emotional wall so strong that I hardly have 1 person whom I can implicitly trust. I am on constant alert, because of the fact that I was hurt so much in the past. But there is one thing you earn from a broken trust and that only thing you learn from broken trust is Wisdom. As you ll know how and whom to trust before investing yourself emotionally with them.

                I don’t know about you all out there but for me once if a person had broken my trust, he/she would lose me in that instance. Losing doesn’t mean I would stop talking or hanging out them, isolate myself from everyone and all. Losing means that they lost the emotional bond which I had with them.

                In conclusion, friendship is a bond of mutual fondness between two people and is solid form of interpersonal affiliation than an alliance. Trust is having confidence in another person, one thinks the person is reliable, and one feels safe with person emotionally and physically. The main purpose a human being has friend is to feel safe and there by one can express thoughts and feelings with one another. Never try to break a trust cause your actually breaking someone’s association with you and remember that karma always returns 

My struggle with depression

                  Problems ! Who doesn’t have problems, everybody has problems. It’s a part of life. But not a lot of people know that for most people depression is too. You know the big difference of being sad and being depressed is that sadness is for a little bit and in the other hand depression is something you don’t know when will it end. Whether it is your parents getting divorced , not having a fatherly support , choosing wrong friends, regrets in life and waking up early in the morning not wanting to do anything with life and the pain just hitting you with full force each and every day. In my case being in depression, it was like being in another world. I would see others around me smiling, and enjoying things that they were doing. But I couldn’t be the same. There is always a part of me missing, lost and scared. Here’s my struggle story of being in major depression.

                                I am Kaushik, I am 20 and have been dealing with depression since I was 17. I wanted to talk to someone family , friends anyone but I didn’t know how . It made me feel lose confidence in myself , felt like I am weak and that I couldn’t handle any problems like before. Sad thing is that even if you wanted to have a conversation with someone it is hardly that people will understand the severity of the phase you are in. So instead of opening up I just shut the bottle up and pretended to be normal. Though I was in a lost sea of sadness inside I would never open up with anyone about it. It took a toll out of me. I felt like I was a burden on my family and friends. Everyday things flash up to like the waves hitting the cliffs. 

                         It was hard, I stopped going out. Started avoiding people, doubted myself a lot and many more. Anything can trigger depression a broken heart, an ailment, anything. For me it first happened when I was forced to take something which I never wanted to and a lot I mean a lot of family burden. Being a son in a middle class family is a curse ofcourse. Then there were these financial issues, heart breaks and people commenting on my sexuality just because I hadn’t lost my virginity even after having many good looking female peers. One after other all these things over heated my brain. I was angry , sad and confused. My emotions began to disorient and void filled my life.

                       Depression is not a matter to take lightly. It is not something to dismiss regularly. Guys just remember that depression is hard to fight but it is possible to over come it. Remember that your not alone. You always have the strength to fight. It is going to be a long, tough and tiring journey, but it will only make you better. It isn’t just the normal blues of life. It is more than a simple stress or inability to handle things. If you come across a friend who is confused in taking decisions or hesitant don’t just keep criticizing him he might be struggling with something and is hesitant to open up.

               To all the people out there with depression, you will have critics and supporters through out your journey in life. But ultimately it’s your battle and you can win it. Just hang in there and remember you ain’t alone bud.

                  

Caring for your introvert friend 

         Hey guys ! It’s been long since my last blog.  Let’s take break from my historical legend blogs and personality blogs. Today let me suggest something for the party beings (extroverts) out there. Guys do you know someone  who needs or talks about the need of being alone for hours every day ? Who loves quiet conversation about feelings or ideas, and who can give a dynamite presentation to big audience, but would seem awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk ? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs rest of the day to recuperate ? Who growls or scowls or grunts or winces when accosted with pleasantries by people who are just trying to be nice ? If so do you regard that person as aloof, arrogant, rude ? Redouble your efforts to draw them out ?

                    So if your answer is yes to these questions, chances are that you have an introvert in your gang and that you aren’t caring for them properly. Guys it’s not that introverts don’t fit in a group of extroverts, they are just more reserved they have 1 or 2 close people even though the gang has more than 6 people. According to science introverts process information differently from other people, I am not making these statements on my own. Recent research and brain scans have showed these results. Introverts may be common, but they are also the most misunderstood and aggrieved group members.

  I know they are, I am. My name is Kaushik and yes I am an introvert. 

        Oh, btw people close to me always denied that I was an introvert. After all I have good social skills. I ain’t a morose or  misanthropic. Usually I am shy when I come across new people. I love long conversations that explore intimate thoughts or passionate interests. But at the very end I have self indentified and come out to my friends. In doing so, I have found myself liberated from all kinds of misconceptions and stereotypes which cause damage to me. Enough about me. Now let me tell you what you need to know in order to respond sensitively and supportively to your own introverted family member or friend.

           Understand that we introverts are not necessarily shy. Shy people are anxious or frightened or self-excoriating in social life and settings. Where as introverts are not. We introverts aren’t misanthropic, we are people who find other people and group activities tiring. Extroverts are energetic people and often get their energy from the people around them and will wilt or fade away when alone. For example if you leave an extrovert alone for 2 minutes he will reach for his cellphone. But this isn’t the situation with introverts, after an hour or two of being socially On, we introverts need to turn ourselves off and recharge. My personal practice is one day of being for every half day I socialize. This neither mean we are anti social people nor it means we are in depression. For introverts being alone with their own thoughts is restorative as sleeping.

                   The main thing is that extroverts don’t have little knowledge or no grasp of introversion. They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome. They can’t digest the fact that why someone needs to be alone, indeed they always take umbrage at suggestion. As often I have tried explaining this matter to my extroverted friends, I never sensed that any of them really understood what I am or  what I felt. They just listen for a moment and then go back to barking and yipping, thats how they are and it ain’t their fault. But being  introverts we expect someone to listen to us in those loudly conversation of extroverts.

                 But the worst part is that extroverts have no idea of the torment they put us through. It’s overwhelming for us to cope up with the conversations of extroverts. Sometimes I gasp for air in the middle of extroverts 98% content free talk. I sometimes wonder do extroverts or my friends even bother to understand or listen to me. Still I endure stoically, because extroverts regard declining banter as rude and gaps in conversation as awkward. But at the very end of the day we get lost in all the noise and dominance of extroverts.

  So how can you let the introvert in your life know that you support him or her and respect his or her choice ?

  1.       Simple, firstly recognise it’s not a choice, it’s not a  lifestyle. It’s an Orientation. 
  2.       Secondly, when you see your introverted friend or family member lost in his or her thoughts don’t ask them What’s the matter ? OR Are you alright ? 
  3.        If an introvert has to share something he or she will definitely share it with the person he is close to.

   

                                  This ain’t just an article or a blog, it’s something I have personally faced by being an introvert in the world dominated by extroverts.

                   I am not a boring fool. Being silent doesn’t mean I can’t speak. Staying home doesn’t make me dull. Having one loyal friend doesn’t make me unkind.

       I am who I am, and I am peace with                                      myself 

         

Live with Passìon

                      Passion ! Everybody has it right ? Well yes it is something which drives us to our destined career. Passion is defined as a powerful emotion. These emotions can be of love, hatred, joy and anger. But the most interesting thing about passion is that it drives people to do the best things in life and it can also make people do most terrible things possible in life. One can surely say that passion plays an important role in one’s life.

                        My life has many things that involve endurance of passion. Maintaining the drive is the only obstacle I come across. But honestly speaking a while ago, I didn’t think I had a passion. I would sit or just lay on my bed surfing through the display of my mobile screen. I used to think passion was for fanatics with nothing better to do in life than obsess over a hobby. At that time I didn’t know how important  having a passion is to existence and how it is easy to survive, knowing there is only one thing to rely on.

                         Now I am in a phase of life where I am being passionate with anything that I do in life. Whether it’s writting about something you believe or feel to be expressed orelse cooking food. Whatever it is that you choose in life just be passionate about it. Being passionate about or towards something encompasses your whole heart, soul and your whole being. Win or loose, good or bad, whatever the outcome is, all that matters is that you threw yourself into what you were doing. You should not concern yourself with other people’s opinions because passion is an expression of self totally and completely. This is what being passionate is all about.

                           I am passionate about love, not exactly romance haha !! But more of that affection. Love for humanity, love for life and yea love for love. When I see beauty, hear it, smell it, feel it in whatever form it takes, there is an unknown desire that springs up in me to satiate myself with that beauty. From my childhood to my current life beauty would often come to me in the form of nature. As I child I was often alone in not only company  but also my outlook upon life. At that time and still to this day I consider life to be simplistic and easy to understand. I can say there are no complexities, no mysterious to unravel. There is just the beauty of nature to behold.

                          Up in mountains of the western ghats Karnataka, where the air is and smells of wild flowers. Once I happened to go there as a kid. The moment I reached the highest peak, I saw across the valley. The moment I looked upon the valley my breath would catch in my lungs and my heart would stop beating, it was so beautiful. I could see blue sky painted with puffy white clouds. I would see greenery everywhere. I could see green grass swaying in the wind, it looked as if the ground was shivering. There were trees as there were stars in the sky. Looking at this magnificent view, chills went down my spine and I would just let it smother me until it felt as if breathing is impossible. I wanted myself to be consumed by all of it, throw myself into this beauty. This is being passionate.

Picture shot by Yati Gowda

Do not fear my friend for giving yourself up completely to your passion. Let yourself submerge in it. Hold nothing back. This is what I believe LIVE WITH PASSION.


The Mind Boggling Kailasa Temple

                Indian architecture is as old as the history of the civilization. The earliest remains of recognisable building activity in india dates back to the Indus valley cities. Among such indian architectural structures remains a temple intact all these years called as the Kailasa Temple of Ellora caves.

The Kailasa temple is dubbed as cave 16 of the Ellora caves. It is noted to be the largest monolithic structure ever built in the history of world which was carved from top to bottom out a single huge rock. Apart from its humongous size the temple is known for its perfection and the sculptures in it.

Now I won’t be going to the Wikipedia of this temple, but rather mention some facts that modern day architects and historians feel difficult to figure out and accept.The temple was believed to be built in the 8th century AD [ mark the word believed ] during the reign of Krishna 1, a ruler of rashtrakuta empire. It was built to represent the sacred mountain of Lord shiva and devoted to him. Historians believe that the construction of this temple took place between 757 to 783AD. It’s is believed that during this two and a half decades of time period a total of 400,000 tons of rock were excavated out of a vertical basalt cliff in the charanandri hills, to built this magnificent temple. Now no one’s knows how did they manage to remove such huge amount of rocks without using any kind of machines and building the temple in a week ( The is a lot of argument in the time period though). Modern day architect claim that even with today’s advance technology it is highly impossible to built a temple of such size and might take 18 years to  to be build. It also may be added that the ancient architects build this temple starting from top to bottom by using simple chisels and hammers.

    According to the Medieval legends told by the local Marathi people. The Kailasa temple was built within a week by the will of a queen. The legend goes around the queen whose husband was very ill. The queen offered prayers to Lord shiva, asking the god to heal her husband and in return for this favour the queen vowed to build a temple dedicated to him and would fast untill the temple was completed. The queen’s prayers were answered and she then proceeded to fulfill her vows. The queen’s architects however, were concerned about her fast, as such a grand temple would take long time to complete. One of the architects named kokasa however, assured the queen that he would complete the temple in a week. He then kept his word and began carving the temple from the top and built it in a week. Although this legends was never confirmed it is highly talked and accepted.

But in any case, the Kailasa temple is master piece worthy of tribute to god’s. Apart from all the ingenuity needed to accomplish this feat, the temple is known for its sculptures carved within the temple walls with utmost perfection and that too using chisels and hammers.

Kailasa temple also holds an other name known as the temple which couldn’t be destroyed. The interesting tale dates back to Mughal period. During the reign of Aurangzeb who destroyed most of the historical Hindu temples, an attempt was even made to destroy the Kailasa temple. It is said that he sent 1000 workers to dismantle the temple. Even after 3 years of his attempt to destroy the temple it caused only minimal damage to the structure resulting in broken and disfigured  statues. Upon finally realising that the temple can’t be destroyed he finally gave up .

Despite all the artists of those days used to devote their entire lifetime studying and enhancing the art of sculptures making. Unfortunately it is very difficult to implement such a life style now.  It is really sad that I never find the history of these iconic structures of ancient Indian architecture in any of today’s western inspired education system acquired by India. Its really bad to know that children of upcoming generations wouldn’t be thought or told about the magnificent and yet mysterious history and culture about our own country.

All that I can say is that it is impossible to build a temple like kailasa in today’s world.  We won’t be able to find artisans who can make such carvings with such expertise. Atleast that’s what I believe.

   

 

The imprisonment of Blanche Monnier

For youngsters these days living under the rules of their parents may seem like being in prison to them. But for Blanche Monnier, things got a little… No not little too much of hell, and the crime she did was loving someone.

    It was 1876, Blanche Monnier was an attractive young woman of paris society. Time had come for her to find a suitor. She fell in love with a lawyer who lives nearby. Although he was professional, he was older than her and was not that successful in his business. Blanche Monnier’s  mother Madame Monnier was a 75 year old lady who was a well respected lady in the city. She did everything she could to stop what she saw as a doomed romance of her daughter, but Blanche would not be swayed.

Blanche Monnier

            Then at one time news spread that Blanche Monnier’s disappeared. Nobody in the whole of Paris saw Blanche hide nor hair of her, all the public believed was that she mysteriously vanished all of a sudden. Both her mother and brother mourned her and went with their daily lives, all the while carrying with an unspeakable truth. But on 1901 their scheme came to light of the world, when the office of attorney general of paris received a mysterious unsigned letter, which had a pair of nerve chilling sentence which said :

 Monsieur attorney general : I have the horror to inform you of an exceptionally serious occurance. I speak of a spinster who is locked up in Madame Monnier’s house , half starved, and living on a putrid litter for the past twenty five years — in a word, in her own filth.


The original hand written letter
               After receiving this letter the police were shocked as Madame Monnier was a Paragon of high society, from an aristocratic family and the recipient of community awards wondering how could this be possible? But they never knew what they were about to find out. A group of officers went to the house and, when they were denied entrance they force opened the door. They searched every inch of the large estate and after searching every premises they discovered a shocking sight when they opened a door upstairs which was concealed in dark, foul-smelling room with its windows boarded up, when the police pried off the windows, they had another quite surprise. Cowering on the bed, covered with food and feces was an emaciated Blanche Monnier, yes all these years Madame Monnier locked her own daughter. Blanche was kept prisoner for a quarter of century, never once seeing sunlight or another human outside her family during that time. Blanche’s physical state was abysmal, she was severely malnourished and weighted just 25 kg. The police rushed her to the hospital, the nurses who took care of her remarked on her surprisingly pleasant disposition. She used to enjoy being washed up and commented on how nice it was to see the sun again for the first time in 25 years.

Blanche Monnier on the day when she was rescued

  Madame Monnier was immediately arrested following the discovery of her daughter. When Madame Monnier was taken to prison, she fell into stress which caused her a heart attack. She perished within a month. But before she died she confessed the gruesome deed of hers.

  When Blanche refused to give up her love with the lawyer, her mother locked her up in the upstairs room until she changed her mind, but the love struck Blanche never did refuse to her renounce her beloved, and her mother didn’t relent. For the next two and a half decades Blanche only ate scraps from her mother’s meals, delivered by the Housemaids or her brother to her room. Even after the her loved lawyer passed away in 1885, Blanche’s punishment still continued. The food waste built up in her room attracted rats , which were her only companions. Manchel her brother, was put on trial and was found guilty and was sent to 15 months in prison, but appealed the fact that he never physically restricted his sister’s movement. He also claimed that Blanche had the chance to escape but she never did. Marcel won his appeal and walked out free.

  But the real mysterious thing was the fact that no one knows who wrote the letter which led to Blanche Monnier’s rescue. Whatever the case is, the remainder of Blanche Monnier’s life was unpleasant. She was driven mad by her captivity and unable to reintergrate with the world was institutionalized. Monnier passed away in  1913 at the age of 62 in a sanitarium in Bois.

Blanche Monnier is also known as La Séquestrée de Poitiers in France. Which means The Séquestrée of Poitiers. 

Indeed, the truth is creepier than fiction